Letting go to grow: winter as a pause button

 

There are those periods when everything seems to accelerate all at once. Think of the rush toward the end of the year, both at home and at work. Weeks seem to open and close, and you notice yourself constantly pushing to perform, finish tasks, and keep moving. But moving forward is not always the same as growing. It’s tempting to keep going, ticking off everything on your list, and skipping breaks, while it’s often precisely in those pauses that the key to real change lies.

Winter invites you to pause, to feel what gives you energy and what no longer serves you. It’s a time to slow down, reflect, and listen to your inner guide — your Self-Observer. From this space, you can discover which choices truly suit you, which patterns you can let go of, and where you want to create room for new growth. It is this very stillness that becomes the cradle of creativity, clarity, the right direction, and focus.

Winter: the forgotten phase of growth

Nature truly has no trouble with rest.
Trees draw their energy inward.
Many animals hibernate.
The days are short, the nights dark and long.
The ground becomes still and freezes.

And yet, a great deal is already happening in winter.

There is no “visible” growth — but beneath the surface, an enormous amount is taking place.
Many trees are already forming leaf and flower buds that quietly overwinter.
While everything above ground seems still, the tree redirects its energy to the roots, which continue to grow and store nutrients.
Some animals, such as certain birds or insects, already begin preparing their activities in winter: gathering nesting material, building food reserves.

We humans can certainly draw inspiration from this.
Instead of finishing everything “because it’s the end of the year,” we might ask ourselves:

Do all those deadlines really have to be finished right now?
To what extent does all of this actually serve me?
Am I obliged to organise that celebration at my place perfectly?
Or can I be creative and work potluck-style: everyone brings something tasty to share?

Winter is an invitation to pause, to breathe, to set priorities, to focus, and to reconnect with what truly matters.

👁️ The Self-Observer: your inner guide

The Self-Observer, also known as the internal observer, works much like a coach who guides you from the outside: it gives you the opportunity to become aware of what is happening within you and to gain insight into your own patterns. You learn, for example, to recognise your inner critic and can make much more conscious choices in your behaviour. Through this self-reflection and targeted self-questioning, your self-awareness grows, and you gain more control over your personal development and the achievement of your goals.

A concrete example:

Imagine you are a manager and notice that a team member repeatedly misses deadlines. Your first reaction may be frustration or irritation: you feel the urge to correct immediately or respond sternly.

By activating your internal observer, you take a step back and observe yourself:

What exactly am I feeling? Frustration, concern, disappointment?
What am I thinking about the situation? “They’re not working hard enough” or “I need to intervene”?
Which patterns do I recognise? Perhaps you notice that you tend to judge or correct quickly, without first listening.

From this awareness, you can choose a different response: instead of correcting right away, you opt for a conversation in which you curiously explore the cause of the delay, listen to the context, and look for solutions together with the team member.

Result

You no longer react automatically and emotionally, but rather consciously, proactively, and effectively. Your patterns become visible, your self-awareness increases, and the team member feels heard, which improves collaboration — ultimately benefiting the organisation as a whole.

Winter can also serve as a metaphor to activate the Self-Observer in a natural way.
Returning inward.
Listening.
Feeling.
Expanding perception: “How can I look differently at the same situation?”
Reframing.

Not from pushing, but from awareness.

The Contact Cycle: the movement between Eros and Thanatos

In our Shift & Grow Community for alumni and advanced (team) coaches, we recently discussed the contact cycle — a core model within Gestalt — and how two natural primal forces continuously play a role within it: Eros and Thanatos.

Van inzicht naar belichaming: waar mentorcoaching het verschil maakt

Wat we hierboven beschrijven, is voor veel leiders geen theorie meer. Ze voelen het. Ze zien het. En toch botsen ze op iets hardnekkigs: weten wat anders kan, is nog niet hetzelfde als het ook effectief anders doen.

Daar zit precies het kantelpunt.

Want in de praktijk zien we vaak dat leiders, ondanks hun beste intenties, toch terugvallen op oude patronen:

• te veel conformeren aan verwachtingen en regels, waardoor eigen prioriteiten vervagen
• blijven sturen vanuit het hoofd, terwijl het lichaam en het gevoel iets anders aangeven
• meegaan in de chaos van de omgeving, zonder zelf richting te houden
• verantwoordelijkheid opnemen, maar zonder echte impact of toegevoegde waarde te ervaren

Niet omdat ze niet willen veranderen. Maar omdat die oude patronen diep verankerd zijn.

Daarom vraagt deze shift geen extra kennis, maar begeleiding op een dieper niveau.

In een mentorcoachingtraject werken we precies daar:

• van hoofd naar hart, zodat beslissingen niet alleen logisch, maar ook kloppend voelen
• van emotionele intelligentie naar belichaamd leiderschap, waarbij je leert aanwezig blijven in spanning, zonder te vervallen in controle of vermijding
• van systemisch inzicht naar individueel gedrag, zodat je ziet wat er speelt in het grotere geheel én weet wat jouw plek en impact daarin is
• van reactief functioneren naar coherente aanwezigheid, waarin wat je denkt, voelt en doet op één lijn komt

Die coherentie is geen luxe. Het is de basis van krachtig leiderschap vandaag.

Want net daar ontstaat iets fundamenteels:
rust, helderheid en richting — ook wanneer de context complex of chaotisch is.

En precies vanuit die staat kan je:

• duidelijke keuzes maken
• grenzen stellen zonder hard te worden
• mensen verbinden zonder jezelf te verliezen
• en opnieuw echte toegevoegde waarde creëren

Mentorcoaching is dus geen traject om “nog beter te presteren”. Het is een traject om anders aanwezig te zijn. En van daaruit verandert alles.

Maak vrijblijvend kennis met onze gespecialiseerde mentorcoach Dorothée Willems, die met scherp inzicht en warme betrokkenheid professionals ondersteunt in hun groei en ontwikkeling. 

Ontdek onze 3 daagse opleiding Kickstart Teamcoaching!

Ben jij een leider die gelooft in de kracht van het team? Wil je verder kijken dan individuele prestaties en de collectieve intelligentie van jouw team echt gaan benutten? Onze opleiding Kickstart Teamcoaching is speciaal ontworpen voor leiders die:

• De dynamiek van teamgesprekken willen beheersen.
• Een veilige omgeving willen creëren voor openheid en kwetsbaarheid.
• Teamleden willen stimuleren tot wederzijds respect en constructieve feedback.
• De rol van facilitator willen omarmen, in plaats van die van tussenpersoon.

Het is een laagdrempelig 3-daagse programma, waarbij je verspreid over 3 maand actief aan de slag gaat met jouw eigen teamontwikkeling, en jouw eigen ontwikkeling als team facilitator.

Klinkt als iets voor jou? Ontdek hier meer over het volledige traject!

Would you like to engage more often in conversations about themes like these?
Would you like to meet other growth-minded people?
Would you like to nourish, reflect on, and strengthen your Self-Observer?

👉 Become a member of our Shift & Grow Community

Growing together.
Learning together.
Becoming aware together.